


The Will of Pacha Mama!

by fresne



Category: Emperor's New Groove (2000)
Genre: Abuse of Incan Farming Techniques, Abuse of Incan Mythology, Gen, Yuletide 2015, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 16:31:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5463422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fresne/pseuds/fresne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Kuzco came to nearly blind everyone and how Chica saved the day, with a little help from her friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Will of Pacha Mama!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angharad_crewe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angharad_crewe/gifts).



> Thanks to Healy for the SPAG beta.
> 
> I'll note that yes, Disney named Chicha after the local corn beer in Peru.

Chicha was very happy when Kuzco decided to not completely destroy their village to build a hideous summer palace. "Of course I was," she said while scrubbing the dishes.

"I still am," said Pacha, standing as far back from the kitchen as he could.

"And when I had Yupi, it was sweet that Kuzco offered to have his head strapped with boards to elongate his skull." Chicha attacked the breaded pepper still clinging to the side of the frying pan. "Like they do to make the nobility look attractive, unlike us ugly peasants."

"It was… an honor," said Pacha. 

"Which we agreed to decline," said Chicha, really going to town on that burnt pepper. She might have muttered something about how long Kuzco's head was strapped as a child, but only the pepper could hear her over the earthquake rattling the mountains with a quick sharp jerk. 

Pacha said, "I'd say that was a 4.3 on the earthquake (well she couldn't call it Richter since that hadn't been invented yet) scale."

Chaca said, "4.2."

Tipo shoved his sister. "3.5."

"Don't shove your sister," said Chicha. "Also, it was a 3.3, but only a mile away. Remember," she waved the pan, "distance is always a factor. Now take Yupi outside and see if you can find cracks in the buildings."

Chacha picked up Yupi. "Let's go find cracks."

"They won't find cracks," said Pacha, as the children trooped out the door.

"Not in the houses. We build to last." Chicha and Pacha shared a smile. Chicha dried the pan and hung it from the ceiling. "Now, where was I?" The earth shook again. More of a gentle wave this time, rather than as a sharp jerk. "Oh, right. 7.0, a thousand miles away." She eyed the floor. "Under the ocean. Anyway, when Kuzco built his new summer home on the peak next to our village, that was great." 

"Wonderful, even," said Pacha. He lifted his feet as Chicha pulled out a broom and vigorously swept up the crumbs on the floor. 

"But when he covered the walls of his house with two-inch-thick plates of gold, that was a bit much," said Chicha.

"In all fairness, there are also two inch solid plates of silver," said Pacha. 

Chicha looked at him. She looked at him while she swept up the small pile of food crumbs off the floor. She looked at him while she tilted those crumbs into the pen where the guinea pigs were cooing and being fattened up for the winter solstice celebration. She looked at him while she filled a bucket with water, which, given she went to the fountain outside, was impressive. She looked at him while she mopped the floor.

"The gold is in honor of Inti, the god of the sun. It's an homage," said Pacha.

"Kuzco likes to look at his own reflection," said Chicha. She wrung out the mop and checked the large pot of chicha corn beer, which had been brewing quietly since the previous night. Since it was done, she put out the red gourd that indicated that Chicha had chicha to trade with her neighbors. They quickly lined in through the door since Chicha's chica was famously good.

"Then he covered the mountain slopes around his house with white sand," said Chicha. 

Chicha spooned chicha into a jar for Moche, who lived down the hill. Moche gave her one of her amazing statuary pots for the jar. Moche said, "It's a terrible thing that the Emperor has done. My son was sunburned by Emperor Kuzco's house. Terrible You can't even look at it in the afternoon. I made a series of new pottery to commemorate my pain."

There was a general agreement by the neighbours who'd come to trade. Also, some requests to see the pottery.

Chicha filled a jar of chicha for Chimu in exchange for a sack of type 346 of corn, the type used to make chicha.

Chimu said, "Weeeellll, peeeersonalllly, I think it's the liiiiife sized golden statues of animals around his house that are the eyesore. So, last century Emperor." She flipped her long black braids over her shoulders."I don't know what's wrong with something simple in carved adobe.

Chicha waved a spoon at Pacha. "Llamas, he built a gold herd of llamas around his house. He built statues of the animal he was turned into by Yzma."

"There are images of other animals," said Pacha.

"I'm sorry to interject here, but I thought he was turned into a Vicuna," said Chimu. 

"No, that can't be right. I'm certain I heard it was an alpaca," said Moche. She wrung her hands. "Although, it's just so hard to tell them apart. Terribly hard."

"Alpaca and Llamas look nothing alike," said Pacha. A brief earthquake, a gentle shake, seemed to agree with him. He grinned. "See, the goddess of the mountains agrees with me."

 

"You just think that because her name is Pacha Mama." Chicha put the red gourd away to indicate that she was out of chicha. "What are we going to do about the Summer Solstice? We'll all go blind."

"Wear sunglasses?" said Pacha. He kissed Chicha. "It's just ugly, and he is the Emperor."

+++

"And then he said, 'and he is the Emperor.' Can you imagine that?" said Chicha, carefully examining type 1003 of corn to see if kernels from this strain were hearty enough to be moved to a colder terrace. They were not hearty enough. 

Chicha had just come back to work at the Moraybeque Agricultural Experimentation station after her maternity leave, and she was still getting back into her groove with the plants.

Lambayeque said, "He is the Emperor." She wiped her forehead. She was standing in the terrace at the bottom of the circle of terraces where it was ten degrees warmer with eighty percent humidity because of the way the terraces had been constructed. The fountains and channels of water created a greenhouse effect.

"N'yeah, and a lot less of a jerk that he used to be," said Nazca. She adjusted her wool gloves. She was standing on the top terrace where it was twenty degrees colder and zero humidity.

Chimu said, "Weeeellll, I think it's simply going to ruin the Solstice celebrations. Simply ruin them."

Nazca said, "Although I really do like the Burrowing Owl zoo. They're adorable, and they can fly, perch and burrow."

"We all like the Burrowing Owl zoo, "said Cupisnique, burping Chimu's baby girl. Cupisnique was on daycare duty that day.

Chicha said, "It's not that it's ugly, which it is. It's a health hazard. My children have been daring each other to see which one can stare at it the longest." 

The women of the Moraybeque Agricultural Station Terraces all murmured their agreement.

"But he's the Emperor," said Lambayeque. 

"I have an idea," said Chicha, "but I'm going to need your help." Chicha looked up the terraces. "The gold around his summer house is intended to honor Inti, the god of the sun. We just need to get him to honor a different god."

"I don't know. He really likes to look at his own reflection," said Moche, getting a cup of water from one of the fountains, "and Inti's the most reflective god we've got. It's a terrible horrible situation, but we'll just have to endure it."

Everyone sighed. 

"Annnnnyyyywaaaay, what god could poosssibly be mooooore important than Inti?" said Chimu. 

The mountains shook with a brief earthquake and the women rode it out with the boredom of long experience. 

"Ooooooh," said Chimu. They all looked up at the mountain peaks surrounding the station. "That could work."

"I want in," said Yzma, who somehow had been sitting on a stone ledge for the last twenty minutes and was now idly licking a paw. 

Chicha wondered just how she always knew when this sort of conversation was going on. It must have to do with being a cat. "Fine, but no one is getting transformed or killed."

Yzma yawned.

+++

Yzma yowled, "5.9. Fifty miles away in bedrock."

Kuzco sat up in bed. "6.0."

Yzma hissed. "Distance and zone, Kuzco. Have you learned nothing from me?!"

Nazca, Chimu, Cupisnique, and Moche shook his bed again. 

Chica sitting on Lambayeque's shoulders said in her deepest voice, "Kuzco, I, Pacha Mama, am very angry with you." Chica shifted the brown wool of the Pacha Mama costume to better hide Lambayeque.

Kuzco pulled his blanket up over his chest, which should have tumbled Yzma onto the floor, but she was a cat. 

Yzma hissed. "Quick, ask why the goddess of the mountains is angry."

Kuzco clutched his blankets. "Why are you waking me up? I mean, I'm beautiful, but even I need my beauty sleep."

"Because, Kuzco," Chicha shifted the fabric again, "you have chosen to honor Inti by covering your house in gold and silver, and you have not honoured the mountain your house is sitting on."

Nazca, Chimu, Cupisnique, and Moche gave Kuzco's bed a good hard jolt.

Yzma hissed. "Quick, ask her how you could honor her."

"I was going to," said Kuzco, unsuccessfully shoving at Yzma, currently perched on his feet. "What can I do to make you from keeping me awake?"

Nazca, Chimu, Cupisnique, and Moche lifted the bed in a complicated four way roll pattern that they'd practiced earlier that day. It came off beautifully.

"And shaking all our houses off the mountains," yowled Yzma. "Oh, the tragedy. We'll all die!"

"That too," said Kuzco.

"Make a stone fence around your house in the shapes of the mountains surrounding you," boomed Chicha. She almost lost her balance, but Lambayeque steadied her.

"What, you want me to carve rocks in the shapes of other rocks?" asked Kuzco.

"Silence! Do not question the will of Pacha Mama!"

Kuzco raised his hands. "Fine, carved rocks. You've got it."

"Now close your eyes and count to 100 so my exit will not make you blind."

Kuzco dove under his blanket.

Yzma yawned. "Oh, the wonder, the beauty of the departure of the goddess." She waved a paw and the women crept, or in Lambayeque's case, tottered, out of the room. "It almost makes me glad I was turned into a cat. Almost."

+++

"Did you have anything to do with this?" asked Pacha, as streams of workers climbed into the mountains equipped with hematite hammers to carve rocks. 

Chicha hummed as she dusted the dust blown through the window by workers building earth ramps to roll the rocks back to Kuzco's house. 

She wasn't humming when the rocks were put in place and the workers polished the rocks to a fine sheen. She said, "Who would polish a rock meant to honor a mountain?"

Yzma licked her shoulder. "Kuzco."

"I think they're shiny," said Kronk, popping up from the front yard. "Although, they are blinding some of my little chipmunk friends." 

A chipmunk chattered. 

Yzma pretended to be cleaning her claws.

"Fine," said Chicha, putting down the dust cloth.

+++

"Kuzco, I am very angry with you!"

Kuzco's bed shook, but only a little. Only Moche could make it. Still she was giving it her all.

"What now?" asked Kuzco. Moche kicked the bed. "I mean, why are you angry, Pacha Mama?"

"The fence you built is cold. You need to make it a wool coat."

"What? You want me to make a wool coat for a bunch of rocks?"

"Silence! Do not question the will of Pacha Mama." Moche lifted one end of the bed and dropped it.

"Fine. A coat for the rocks. Is there anything else, or can I go back to sleep?"

"That is all. Now close your eyes."

Kuzco flopped back in bed and was quickly snoring.

+++

"Did you have anything to do with this?" asked Pacha.

"I think it's wonderful that Kuzco is honouring Pacha Mama." Chicha bounced little Yupi while spinning llama wool for Kuzco's fence. Weavers throughout the empire were spinning and weaving wool for Kuzco's fence. 

In the end, there was no one pattern. There were lines from the cloth of the people in the south. There were cartoon images having humorous conversations from the people by the sea. Their village's contribution had been a rainbow. 

Everyone agreed, that was the warmest fence that had ever been.

Chicha smiled as headed out to work, and stopped. Little Yupi wailed. There on the side of the mountain, Kuzco had had the people carve his own face when they quarried the rocks for the fence. His face was very shiny. "At least it's the wrong direction to blind everyone." 

Chica kept walking. There was work to be done on Pacha Mama's mountains.

**Author's Note:**

> If after reading my fiction here, you would like to read more about me and my writing check out my profile.


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